Want to Live a Life of Alignment?
Choose the Problems You’re Willing to Have
Earlier this year, I made a choice that 20-year-old me would NOT have understood.
A bit of backstory
Until my mid-20s, I was pursuing a career in theatre. I was not happy, overall, but I loved putting on plays and could not imagine my life without it.
I was identified with theatre. It’s what I was known for by the people who knew me. And it was also the only way I knew to make impact — at least when I found a play that resonated with something in me.
But a lot of the time, I was disconnected, confused and frustrated. I did not understand myself. I did not understand what was going on with me or what was wrong with me.
I had a fearful avoidant attachment style (which I didn’t know at the time), and I spent a good chunk of my early 20s in a deactivated, more avoidant state.
Trying to understand what was going on is what eventually lead me to attachment theory and all the things I share with you now.
I wasn’t planning on becoming a self-love and relationship coach at the time, though. I probably would have laughed if you’d told me. I didn’t know anything about relationships and I could not conceive of a life without theatre.
I just wanted to feel better
Overlapping Roads
For a while, the theatre path converged with the self-exploration and inner work I was doing.
I participated in a few projects while also learning how to become more secure in my attachment style, sharing what I was learning with friends, and also starting to consider coaching.
The further I walked down the self-love and relationships road, the more it started to move in another direction — away from professional theatre. And in February — those roads diverged, and I stepped away from a creative project I had been working on for 2 years, which had the potential to be a great acting career move. And it felt strange but right.
It felt confusing but right.
It felt kind of scary but right.
I felt guilty, but it felt right.
I was afraid of regretting it someday, and it still felt right.
It didn’t feel good, but it felt right.
I didn’t want to keep pursuing a career in theatre. I knew it in my bones.
What changed in me?
The change didn’t happen overnight. It took place gradually, over 3 years, and a lot of thought went into it. Nothing really dramatic.
But one day, I was on a boat on the Amazon River in Brazil, and my creative partner sent me my theatre biography to proofread.
I read the sentence, “Noemi Akopian is an actor, and director….” and the thought that popped into my head and resounded in my chest was, “No, she’s not…”
That was my, “Oh fuck, I don’t want to do it” moment.
If I was Zac Efron in High School Musical, I would break out into an epic solo across the boat.
But I was not Zac Efron in High School Musical. I was Noemi Akopian in the middle of nowhere.
I did not quit then and there. I thought about it for another month before I officially backed out.
I took my time because I knew it wasn’t just that specific project I was walking away from. It was a career path, a lifestyle, and an old identity that did not fit me anymore.
So, I wanted to be sure. And I was sure. And that made me sad.
Because I LOVE theatre. I love directing. I love acting. I love working with people. I love being in front of an audience. I love performing. I love diving into the world of the play and exploring the depths of the characters, themes, and relationships.
And I’m good at it. But — I never REALLY went all in on it.
I did take action, but not to the extent that would actually bring me the success I fantasized about.
It took time away during Covid and deep introspection to understand why.
I realized that while I loved many things about directing and acting — I did not want the LIFE of an actor. Directing and acting in plays are only part of a theatre practitioner’s life. The parts we see. The fun parts.
But that life path, like any other path, also comes with problems, like:
— Endless auditions
— Being restricted to one location
— Dealing with the industry and its representatives
— I also didn’t want my ability to work to be so dependent on others
— I didn’t want that kind of frustration and competition
— I didn’t want the negative consequences of success if I made it
The list goes on.
Some people are okay with these problems and sacrifices. The problems are worth it. They want those problems if it means they get to pursue that path and succeed.
I don’t.
Those aspects and that lifestyle clashed with many of my values in ways I could not overlook.
And that is why I felt resistance to going all in and fighting for it the way the most dedicated actors fight for it. I discovered that some of my top values are freedom, authenticity, impact, and autonomy. Especially creative autonomy.
I want to work WITH people but I want to work FOR myself from wherever I want. And I want to talk about love and relationships and deep inner work and transformation. But I want to do it not in the realm of fiction but in reality. On my terms. And I want to be myself while I do it.
Now, I’m on a path that 20-year-old me could not have imagined or even agreed with. But it’s a path with problems I am okay with having.
Choose the problems you’re willing to have
Choosing a path of alignment DOES mean pursuing the things you want, the things that light you up and bring you joy. It DOES mean acting in accordance with your deepest values. AND! It also means choosing the PROBLEMS, HEADACHES, and CHALLENGES you are WILLING to have. Because every single path comes with tears and storms and sleepless nights.
— Being single comes with its problems
— Casually dating comes with its problems
— Being in a relationship comes with its problems
— Working in an office 9–5 comes with its problems
— Being a full-time artist comes with its problems
— Going to school comes with its problems
— Travelling comes with its problems
— Self-employment and entrepreneurship comes with its problems
— Learning to love yourself comes with its problems
— Not loving yourself comes with its problems
To find fulfillment, you need to include those less desirable aspects into your vision of your dream life as well. Don’t edit them out of your fantasies.
The question is not, “How do create a life without problems?”
It’s “Which problems am I okay with having, and which ones am I not?”
So, if you have not yet fully devoted yourself to your dream path — whatever it may be right now — ask yourself:
“Does this path come with problems I am not willing to have?”
And see where that question takes you. ❤️🔥
Hi, I’m Noemi, a certified relationship coach. I help you understand your patterns and cultivate self-love, confidence, and compassion to create the deep, fulfilling conscious relationships your heart desires.
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